The sun came up, and the sun went down; just like any other day. Nothing in the natural realm set the day of which I am writing apart from any other day. It was by all appearances a normal day, well, as normal goes for twenty some Americans in the middle of the Amazon rainforest. Our definition of normal is drastically different than when we got on a plane two months ago. The place was Castaña.
The Lord has been unleashing a crazy amount of freedom in all of us, freedom to live by His Spirit, under the new covenant. Hes been teaching each of us what it really looks like to live this lifestyle of radical abandonment to the leading of the Spirit. And when I say radical, the word really isnt all that great of a descriptive term. The new covenant and by extension the Gospel offends a lot of people, because its so ridiculously simple. A child can understand it, and it can be summed up i na single word: LOVE. Grace motivated by love is the good news that we have to offer the world. But for a lot of people who are trapped into an old covenant mindset, where we have to follow the law to live in the pleasure of God, we are trapped in our own sin, because the Law brings death, but the Spirit gives life.
Weve also been learning that the more you are led by the Spirit, the more Hes going to lead you in the paths of righteousness. Many peoples objection to truly being free is that it leads to liscentiousness and all kinds of sinfulness. But if were truly using our freedom and walking by the Spirit, Hes going to lead us in righteousness! Its not about behavior modification or cleaning the outside of the cup. Jesus cleans us from the inside out.
The day Im writing about is the day I learned how to surrender my life, but its also the first day I truly lived. Its the day I decided to die to myself, take up my cross and follow Jesus, putting my flesh to death once and for all, but gaining a new life that cannot be taken away. It is not my salvation story, but the story of my baptism. Before this trip I had been dealing with a lot of guilt and shame for the rough times I have gone through in my past, and the sins that I used to live in. I was dealing also with a lot of lies telling me that I was going to fall straight back into them upon arrival at home. But that day in Castaña something clicked.
I learned how to be a victor instead of a victim.
The Lord began to reveal in a crazy way what it looks like to truly live by grace in His Spirit under the new covenant and not by the letter of the law, which leads to death. But that day, I decided that the battle had been won, and that in Christ I am a victor. I no longer have to live that old life, because that man is dead, and it is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives within me.
I was baptized the first time when I was 5 years old, and I said something kind of funny, and Ill relate that here. After I was baptized, I said. You know that part about preaching to the whole world, well, I dont know if ill ever see the whole world. Fast forward 12 years and here I was in the middle of the Amazon rainforest, chest deep in water that resembled poop, with Benny (one of our leaders, an awesome man of God) and the Holy Spirit, ready to make my declaration to not only all of those present, but also to myself, and the forces of darkness who were hounding me. It was a spiritually violent act that solidified my decision to deny myself and follow Christ, and my decision that Im never going back to those things again.
I cannot explain adequately with words the feelings that flooded through my head after coming up out of that water (well, aside from water rushing up my nose, I can tell you how that feels.) But what I can tell you is that there was a heavy presence of God on that place, and I have never felt so alive in my life. It was truly my birthday spiritually speaking.
I have decided to follow Jesus, wherever He leads me, for my whole life. Im never going back to who I was, and Im never going to stop chasing after Your heart God.
